


Don't Hide from Me

by PatchworkSam



Series: Sam Headcanons - BSGC Top 5 Prompt #17 [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Headcanon, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Sam gets some much needed validation, hey look i finally wrote one with a happy ending, mentions of cage trauma, mentions of possession, not really sastiel but it could be if you squint, platonic sastiel at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 13:41:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4394069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkSam/pseuds/PatchworkSam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Headcanon: When Sam can't sleep, he and Cas have some heartfelt talks</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Hide from Me

The nightmare passed long ago and Sam’s breathing has since returned to normal, but he still hasn’t moved from his position curled into a weary ball. He feels drained. Part of him wants to sleep for the next week; the other part never wants to sleep again. He knows he won’t be sleeping again tonight, anyway. Wakefulness has sunk its claws into him, the only thing keeping him from the gaping jaws of nightmares.

A rough exhale pushes its way scratchily through his throat as he struggles to sit up. There’s no point lying around here if he’s not going to sleep. He gets up and pads softly out of his room, heading towards the kitchen to get himself some coffee. He finds some still in the pot from yesterday and reheats it. It’s bitter, but he hopes that’ll help jolt him out of his fatigued stupor. The clock reads 4:32 AM. He heads toward the library, mug in hand.

His bare feet on the floor barely make a dent in the silence of the large room as he enters it. The darkness is equally unbroken and he’s feeling his way over to the light when a dim shape suddenly speaks.

“Hello, Sam.”

“Cas!” Sam jumps and nearly knocks over a small shelf. His hand finds the switch and light illuminates the teetering shelf, some spilled coffee, and Cas’ worried expression.

“I apologize. I did not intend to frighten you.”

“It’s fine,” Sam mumbles, blinking at the glowing echoes of the lights hovering before his eyes.

“No,” Cas murmurs, shaking his head as if chiding himself. After a pause, he looks up at Sam. “You had a nightmare,” he observes.

Sam is taken aback, but doesn’t have the energy to deny it. “I… Yeah,” he sighs. “How’d you know?” he asks, brows furrowing.

“I heard you,” Cas shrugs simply.

Sam’s face must’ve shown his mortification, because Cas explains, “I am an angel. I can hear even the faintest of sounds, especially in such close proximity.” When Sam says nothing, he adds, “Your brother was snoring the entire time. I can assure you you did not disturb him.”

Sam relaxes slightly at that. He might’ve chuckled a little, if he had the strength.

“Do you… wish to talk about it?” Cas asks carefully.

“Uh, no, no I’m good,” Sam mumbles.

Cas looks unconvinced, but doesn’t push. “Okay.”

Sam’s eyebrows quirk up. _Just like that? ‘Okay’?_

Sam settles himself at the table with his coffee. Cas comes over beside him.

“Um, may I?” he asks, indicating the adjacent chair.

“Yeah, sure.” Sam doesn’t look up from his mug, his thumb rubbing little circles on its handle.

They both sit in silence for a while until Cas muses, “Since I do not sleep anymore, I come here sometimes to… hang.”

“Hang?” Surprisingly, Sam quirks a smile. Maybe it’s the caffeine kicking in.

“Yes. That is what you are doing here too, isn’t it?”

“I guess.” Truth be told, Sam isn’t sure what he’s doing here.

“Because you cannot sleep,” Cas adds.

“Yeah, no you’re right. I’m just stressed, I guess. It’s no big deal.”

“You say that so often, yet I have a hard time believing it,” Cas says, disapprovingly.

Sam just raises his eyebrows at him. “Yeah? Why’s that?”

“For one, you are clearly exhausted and yet you are unable to sleep. And you have this”—here Cas indicates the coffee mug—“to keep your body from succumbing to the sleep it desperately needs.” Cas shoots Sam a scolding glance, which makes him look more like someone’s concerned aunt than an angel of the Lord.

“I know,” Sam sighs. “I know I need to sleep, it’s just… not that simple.”

“Because the nightmares return when you try to sleep,” Cas finishes.

“Yeah. Really, it shouldn’t be a big deal. I’m handling it. I’m not the one with the most serious problems right now, you don’t have to—”

“Sam.” Cas’ gentle voice interrupts Sam’s rambling. “Please, do not minimize your suffering.”

Sam looks over to see soulful eyes fixed on him pleadingly. “Cas, I’m…” he falters under the angel’s piercing gaze.

“Do not say you are fine, Sam Winchester. I know well enough you are not. There is no shame in that.”

_No shame in that,_ Sam’s thoughts echo. How could he not be ashamed? Dean is the one dealing with the Mark. Sam’s supposed to be helping him, not worrying about his own weakness.

“You are not weak, Sam.”

Sam wonders if he said that last part aloud or if the return of Cas’ angel powers gave him the ability to read minds. All he manages to say is, “What?”

“You are not weak; you are human,” Cas explains. “When I was human, I learned that all humans suffer in some capacity. One person’s experiences are not more important than another’s. The point is not to see who has suffered most; instead, we must help each other through the pain.”

“We?” Sam asks, confused.

“I may not be human anymore, but I think I understand better what it is like. And I want to help you, Sam, in whatever way I can. You do not need to hide anything from me.”

Sam’s eyes are stinging and he realizes there are tears in them. It feels foolish, but he can’t help it. He never expected how good it would feel to hear someone say that to him. He never expected it to be said at all.

“Thanks, Cas,” he whispers shakily.

Cas reaches out to cup the side of Sam’s face in his hand. His thumb brushes away an escaped tear. “Any time, Sam,” he says sincerely. The phrase sounds funny coming from an angel’s lips. Sam smiles.

In the days to come, Sam comes to realize that Cas truly did mean any time. Every night when the nightmares return and banish sleep from his eyes, Sam finds his way out to the library again. And every night, Cas is always there, ready to listen. Eventually, Sam begins to tell Cas about his nightmares, and from there everything else just comes out.

He talks about his worry over Dean, as well as the anger and pain he’s kept inside over Gadreel. He talks about the fear and shame that multiple possessions and violations have left him with. Some nights, after some particularly bad nightmares, he tells Cas of experiences in the Cage that still haunt him.

And through it all, Cas listens. He lets Sam talk, and he lets him sob. He lets him have his space when he needs it, and he lets him be as close as he needs. He listens in silence and offers words of reassurance by turns.

In this one human, Cas finds a greater purpose than Heaven ever gave him, and in this one angel, Sam finds greater comfort than anything Earth could offer.


End file.
